The other day, one of my twitter friend texted me saying that he is feeling low and depressed because of certain things going on in his life. I asked him to describe things in detail and he said he is not able to throw good impression in front of his cousins (who is apparently more successful), the girl at this gym is not responding to his subtle hints and he feel low in front of his parents when relatives ask questions like “what have you thought about future?”
He then told me how since childhood and school days he is just trying to prove himself better than others. Better than his friends and better than his cousins. He also mentioned how hard he tries all these stuff like gym, business, sports, studies, etc so that people will start “respecting” him if he excels in them.
He opened up to more and told me about how he invested in an expensive smartwatch, phone and shoes to look ‘high status’ in his social circle and “inadvertently” gain respect out of it.
Read further if you can relate to his situation.
Let’s start from childhood, I blame our Indian parenting as well education system for this. We have been taught and injected how to be insecure about our colour, our grades, our height, our dressing sense, etc. since childhood. That ‘sharmaji ke bete ko dekho” line was common in the majority of the household. We have been wired this way so efficiently that even today we care about this a lot.
Today, We in our adulthood, are trying to ‘prove’ themselves in front of our cousins who we do not even talk once in a year, our childhood friends who are not even active in their ‘Rebound’ WhatsApp group for more than 18 months now. We are trying to prove that ex of our who is already married and living happily with his/her partner. And in this journey of proving ourselves, we are doing and taking up such stuff which is resulting in ‘depression’. We are doing a job which we don’t like just because it is paying more than what your cousin is earning. We are buying things like expensive gadgets and vehicles to show off to our friends. We are travelling to exotic places around the world just to prove to them that “I am successful and happy”. But the truth – you know it very well.
However you were wired, maybe your parents did not teach you ‘comparison’ and filled you with ‘insecurities’ but the majority of Indian parents did. In fact, their parents did the same. We cannot change past or take out our anger on our parents, but we can always reverse engineer ourselves.
Stop trying to prove anything to those who you hate.
This is the most difficult part of unlearning things about life. To let your ego die. But it brings happiness and peace from within. Do what you like. Are you happy in making 30k by doing the thing you love vs making 70k in a shitty job? Do that. Forget about everyone and everything else. Do what matters to you.
Do you really think this smartwatch is useful for you? if not, sell it off and buy something which is actually useful for you. Do not even think twice.
You like writing/dancing/fitness/trekking more? Find a way to earn money through your hobby. You might earn way less than your present job but guess what, inner peace is as important as oxygen and water to our body. Your depression will go away, you face will look more positive and bright, you will become more cheerful and energetic as a person once you learnt to let things go which you were doing to ‘prove’ to others.
Do what makes you happy without the pressure of proving to someone else. You like 9-6 IT job? No worries, do that. You hate 9-6 IT job? Stop doing it.
Think about this.
Today India has recorded the highest number of depression cases in the world. Depression (clinical or not) could be due to sociological and psychological issues as well. It is not always a chemical imbalance. As a society, we are not happy, we are not at peace because we are running behind something which we do not want.
Take a step. It will be fun and life-changing.
My next article on abundance mentality will teach you more about this. Keep reading.
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