Q: Hey, I have been preparing for gov exams and i have not been able to clear that. My score is improving although but the main problem is that people taunt me.. like you are 24 and still jobless. They might be right but it affects me a lot.. i don’t even know what to reply when they say this. It has given me so many sleep less nights.. i am afraid of meeting new people and relatives and especially its the marriage season and i have to attend some functions and I am really stressed because of this. Whenever someone visits our house its just gives me anxiety. It hurts a lot, they compare me to their kids. What should I do? They call me a loner and taunt me. I have read all the books but when someone says something, all motivation disappears. Please guide me.
A. Let’s name you Arti for now.
Now listen Arti, I will tell you few steps which will help you to Reverse Engineer yourself and will give you better understanding of the Society. I will also add bit of Stoicism here, which few reader might find shocking. Read on:
- First of all, ask yourself one thing clear and cut – Are you doing this preparation for yourself or for your Parents? or For .. I don’t know, maybe to prove your friends or boyfriend or someone else in the society? If the answer of latter question is Yes, you need an assessment of self awareness again. And if the answer is No, well and good. Your foundation is right. Need not to worry.
- If you are doing this for yourself with passion, you parents must be proud and at peace with you (because you are doing something which everyone wanted to do). And if they are not, first you need to sit and talk with them before we think about society. If they are not with you or being impatient about this, sit and tell them why you need time and how are you going to manage that time. Once your parents are in trust, everything will become easy. Like my case, I started my filmmaking thing with weddings, parents never liked it because they had pre conceived notions about a traditional guy holding halogen lamp and camera in hand and shooting people when they are eating food. I sat and talked to them, made them understand. They finally gave in.
- Also, Understand one thing about Human Behavior – They love to gossip (and it is beneficial for us as a society), to compare (we always compare us from other because we live in a hierarchical society), we compare petty things like the way we speak, the way we walk, etc. So, people will compare you with their kids. (Here I am confronting you with the Stoicism concept). Always see the world as it is, not with the view which you want this world to become. Getting my point here? What do we see in every society – people gossiping and comparing about things, because the world is like that. We cannot change human behavior. Or even if you want to, it will take long.
- Now talking about Patience and the thing you are doing. It is not easy, if it was, I would have also done it. I cannot imagine learning and grasping so much. I cannot even remember names of people I met yesterday. We, an average crowd, look up to you and people like you who are doing this course and preparation and that is why you will be respected like kings and queens after getting a degree. BUT for that you need PATIENCE. It is the only thing which will keep you sane. Motivational books or videos won’t help you to create this level of patience, you need to develop it yourself. Meditations helps a lot. It helped me to be patient about things, it helped me to create a bubble around me which protects me from negative thinking, speech and vibes.
- Your competition is not the society but the other students giving this same exam. Right now your focus should be on the battlefield not what is going in your own kingdom.
- Nothing is 100% in your control. Learn to let it go. You are already reading and grasping so much knowledge that tomorrow even if you start teaching kids in a coaching center, you will make more money than 90% of the population.
These were some mental switch tips. Now some practical advice.
- Ask your parents and shift to some other city where you can study peacefully. Any new city with less distractions.
- Talk to your parents daily about it. Ask them to handle your relatives and their questions.
- Indulge in some daily physical activity and get your vitamin D levels checked. It will help you to think better.
- Read biographies or watch episodes of Pradhanmantri or Samvidhan, they will inspire and keep you motivated with showing the struggle of real life people and how they coped up with it.
- Your time will come.
You can DM me anytime.