I am suffering. I need your help. Collectively.

I am not being able to focus. I am not being able to think. I am not able to make full use of my creativity. I am an artist, but I am not acting like one. I want my mobile phone in my hand all the time. I am suffering from Mobile/Internet addiction and I need your help.

It started when I switched from 6s to iPhone X 4 months ago. The sudden change of new screen, new smoothness, new haptics acted like the sweet which you can’t stop eating. Since then, it is always in my hand or in my pocket. To describe more in details, let me explain to you how my addiction looks like:

  • I wake up at 5 am (to feed my cat), check my cell phone, swipe to all the apps, Instagram, twitter, Facebook (which I push down to refresh twice to see if I missed any notification), Reddit, WhatsApp, etc. I do all this which pouring food in my cat’s bowl (he he asks me to pet him, asks my attention, but addiction is real)
  • I wake up again at 9 am. Little groggy. Again lying on the bed, I read all notifications of the apps. I try to wake up again, but the Instagram feed is not letting me. I try again and go to the washroom, there I use it again for a good 30 minutes, swiping and scrolling through apps, tweeting few thoughts, ignoring trolls and spreading positivity.
  • I start cooking my breakfast, during this time I start YouTube, listening to videos. My cell phone is lying on the microwave, playing videos of joe Rogan or sadhguru, but it is active and my dopamine is releasing. Then I sit to eat breakfast with my newspaper, I start scrolling again – The cellphone, simultaneously I ask Alexa to play flash briefing. She is playing news, Newspaper is lying on the table, I am just turning pages and looking at images, and my left hand is scrolling through Reddit or twitter feed and I am eating with my right hand.
  • I sit for meditation. AirPods and Headspace. Then I take the screenshot of headspace quote and post it online. More notifications.
  • I leave for the gym. I attach my phone to my car’s (CarPlay). I start playing the audiobook. On every signal or traffic jam, I pick my cell phone to check notifications. Sometimes I do even type. Sometimes I stop my car and type the replies.
  • At the gym, I put on AirPods, I try to focus on workout but AirPods aren’t that capable of noise cancellation. Gym loud music + my own playlist + notifications again. In every set, I pick up my phone and reply to people.
  • I come back home, I sit for lunch. I start Netflix or prime. My eyes again looking at the cellphone, I am listening to Netflix, the left hand is scrolling feed and I am eating with Right hand.
  • I sit for work. Working for 15min, checking notifications for another 10min. The same routine goes till evening. Then I realize, it is too much, let’s give it a break – I make tea for myself and sit in my balcony with a beautiful sunset view. I pick up cellphone again, shit!
  • I sit for work again. Back to square one. My work is 99.9% screen. Laptop or Desktop.
  • I got out. She is talking to me, I am known for making good eye contact, we talk deeply for a few minutes, but I feel anxious, my fingers want to scroll feed. I pick up my cell phone, she feels I am not interested in her. She refuses to meet me second time, obviously.
  • I get a call from home. I put on AirPods because I want to scroll my feed while talking to them. I go deep in my thoughts because r/science is difficult and they remove comments very frequently. Dad asks me what happen, I say nothing.
  • Time to bed. I lie down. I try to sleep but hey night mode doesn’t harm my eyes, let’s scroll a bit. Reddit, endless. Twitter gossips, Instagram endless feed is back. I scroll, swipe swipe. I can’t sleep now. What to do? I put on my AirPods, I play Jordan Peterson podcast, his voice makes me sleep. I sleep straight because AirPods pains otherwise. I wake up again. I repeat.

 

I need your help! May be you are at same place. May be this is harming us more than cocaine, or maybe this is the future we all should accept. All we can do is to help each other. How? I don’t know. This is my truth. I am going through severe addiction.

 

 

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