Disclaimer or Trigger Warning: I am writing this article purely for my male audience (XY). If you are a Female and reading this article, I don’t have any issues with that. BUT, I won’t be entertaining any ‘outrage’ in comments or in DMs.
I love writing for both the sexes but sometimes you need to differentiate as per audience and demands. And for obvious reasons, I connect with males more. Female Readers – you can pick up points though.
A couple got married in an arranged alliance. The man used to speak less and female were shy. But after coming to the house, she observed something, her husband was not talking to his Dad at all and the ‘house rules’ were written and constituted by his Mom. Whatever he wanted to convey to his dad, he would tell his mother first and then she used to talk to the DAD. And then obviously, The newlywed bride picked up these things. They made a baby. Father loved his kid. The kid started going to school and within 3-4 years, the father got busy in his business and mom started taking complete care of the kid. Father used to come late at night and just used to ask titbits about his studies from the mother. The kid was growing and the distance as well between him and his father.
Whenever the boy wanted a new video game or an ice cream, he used to ask his mother. As he grew, his pocket money was given to him by his mother. There was no one to one communication between him and his father. Mother selected his friends – with whom he should play or hangout. He never saw his dad crying or being emotional but he saw his mother being emotional several times. He picked up those things subconsciously. He himself learnt how to shave his beard. He himself learnt how to change a tyre or a bulb. These traits were not taught by his father.
There was a constant tension between his mom and dad. She used to tell him several times don’t be like your dad. He picked up those things also. His school teachers were female, His tuition teacher was female. He saw his grandmother ‘ruling’ the house. He never understood the backbone of the house. He never understood the value of money and hard work because no one ever told him.
And today that boy is somewhere around 18-22 and he is still not comfortable to talk to his DAD directly face to face. There is no Positive Masculine Connection between the two males of the house.
Read further if you can relate.
Now you are an adult. An Adult who is responsible for his own life and decision (mostly). An adult who doesn’t complain about things which are in his control and not at all about those which aren’t.
Your Dad must be somewhere around 48-60 years of age. He is getting old and the communication gap between you and him is still the same. Now ask yourself – do you want the same kind of situation between you and your kid? Of course not.
Go talk to your Dad.
- Sit alone with him.
- Take him out for a drink or for a walk.
- Ask him about how he managed his business during initial days.
- Ask him about the people who conned him.
- Ask him about why his business failed.
- Ask him about if he has any health issue or rather take him for a complete body scan.
- Buy him a new pair of shoes or a suit.
- Help him with a Facebook ad for his business.
To end this communication gap between you and your father, someone has to take a step forward. Your father won’t take. But you can. You don’t have to blame your father for creating this gap but you have to understand him.
Why? – Because for the growth of a male (in terms of physicality and mentality), it is very important for him to hang out with other males who understands him well. It is like how wolves teach the tribe on how to always stay in a pack and trust each other. There are many masculine traits which are picked up by other males only when he hangs out with them.
Today, if you look around, you will see more feminine traits in a man compared to masculine traits, the reason being, males having less one to one connection with their own Dad. And for the same reason, the average 18-25 yr old guy today fails to attract a female because well, which female would like to get attracted to the one who possesses feminine traits?
Your DAD is a goldmine of experiences, stories and struggles. Learn things from him before it’s too late.
Still having doubts? connect with me on my Instagram DM or email me.