As I was scrolling down my Internet feed a few days ago, I came across this clip of Gary Vee:
The clip triggered a few thoughts in my mind and I began to analyze my day-to-day life, business, and personal relationships in the light of its contents. And I questioned myself, “DO I ALSO FOLLOW THE HABIT OF CONSIDERING EVERYTHING AS MY FAULT?”
We all do it sometimes. A lot many of us might not constantly crib about the mishaps which, by the way, are a part and parcel of life, but there are some who constantly crib about the tragedies in their lives and either blame themselves or those around them to evoke self-pity and garner sympathy from others. But conversely, this constant cribbing, pin-pointing and blaming either self of others for one’s failures are the main reasons of a person’s unhappiness. It not only affects a person’s positive aura but also affects his/her near and dear ones because sadness coming from blaming others and entitlement is a very negative characteristic that adds a red flag to our personality.
After understanding this, I went ahead with my observations and asked myself if I like such people who constantly crib about things around themselves or about their surroundings like, traffic, mismanaged roads, political instability, economic flux, or complexities in personal relationships. Do we like such people? Obviously not!
In order to strengthen my opinions, I did some research and came across an article on Julian B Rotter that stated his opinions as follows:
Rotter (1975) cautioned that internality and externality represent two ends of a continuum, not an either/or typology. Internals tend to attribute outcomes of events to their own control. People who have internal locus of control believe that the outcomes of their actions are results of their own abilities. Internals believe that their hard work would lead them to obtain positive outcomes. They also believe that every action has its consequence, which makes them accept the fact that things happen and it depends on them if they want to have control over it or not. Externals attribute outcomes of events to external circumstances. People with an external locus of control tend to believe that the things which happen in their lives are out of their control, and even that their own actions are a result of external factors, such as fate, luck, the influence of powerful others (such as doctors, the police, or government officials) and/or a belief that the world is too complex for one to predict or successfully control its outcomes. Such people tend to blame others rather than themselves for their lives’ outcomes. It should not be thought, however, that internality is linked exclusively with attribution to effort and externality with attribution to luck. This has obvious implications for differences between internals and externals in terms of their achievement motivation, suggesting that internal locus is linked with higher levels of need for achievement. Due to their locating control outside themselves, externals tend to feel they have less control over their fate. People with an external locus of control tend to be more stressed and prone to clinical depression.
[Full Text: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control]
My observation, research and analyze offered a new perspective, and by looking deeply into my own personal relations- family and friends, I realized that the ones who constantly complain and crib about one thing or the other are comparatively more sad and depressed as compared to those who do not. As a result, I tried to enhance my personality by keeping my cribs and complaints in check, and after some time, I observed a positive change in myself- I realized that I have become more happy, content, and at peace with myself more than ever. Want to know what all I did? Read on the points below:
- I applied this very basic rule – Everything is My Fault. I began to consider that whatever wrong is happening in my life-like, my failure at being in shape, failed relationship(s), not being able to crack the deal with a client or not getting enough views on my blog posts – Everything is My Fault.
- I stopped complaining about the little things in general. For instance, instead of cribbing about the traffic on the streets, I began to leave my home for work 15 minutes earlier.
- I prevented myself from being in the company of those negative people who keep cribbing about things that are in their control.
So, now, whenever I tend to complain or get frustrated about things in my day-to-day life, I automatically start thinking of the solution. I question myself, “Can I fix this instead of complaining?” If yes, I don’t complain further, but if not, then what is the point of complaining? Things that are not in my control, that are inevitable, cannot be prevented anyway. So, what’s the point? Can only try to take preventive measures, and that is it.
Speaking from my personal experience, this is a habit that you can develop within 21 days. Starting from today, for three days decide not to complain about anything around you, and if something goes wrong that can be fixed by you, then (consider it as your fault) fix it. Do the same for the next 7 days, and then for the upcoming 15 days, and so on. In time, it will become a habit which, in turn, will keep you way away from sadness and depression.